There’s no denying that relationships can be tough. I think it is safe to say that we have all come to terms with the fact that relationships are not always sunshine and rainbows. It’s pushing through the tough shit.
Recognize that relationships only grow if you struggle through the hard times together. In the end, the rewards are so worth it. Here are 8 tips to maintain a healthy and loving relationship with your partner:
Recognize when you are wrong – This one can often be easier said than done. Sometimes we forget to come down off our high horse. During times of conflict and disagreement it can be easy to forget that it is just as easy to LISTEN than it is to SPEAK. Always make sure you are truly hearing your partner out and valuing their words. It’s okay to accept that sometimes we can’t always be right.
It’s not easy, giving up is easier – My dad shared this advice with my sister and I when my parents celebrated their 38th wedding anniversary. Throwing in the towel is something that I believe every couple considers at some point throughout their relationship, but what makes a good relationship great is when you decide not to give it up (and therefore come out stronger for it, in the end). The whole point of commitment is to be committed through the good AND the bad.
This is where I want to make an important note: physical, emotional, or verbal abuse is not okay. I am talking about getting through general life obstacles together – not putting up with relationship abuse.
Think before you speak – Words can sting. Oftentimes (especially during disagreements) it is so easy to get caught up and say things we truly don’t mean. This should be a general rule of life. My grandma used to tell me – “When we get mad, we need to consciously take 60 seconds to step away and truly think about what we are feeling. Ask yourself: would my reaction/response be the same an hour from now or is this purely anger speaking for me?” Give yourself time to digest and process your thoughts before spewing words out of frustration.
Take time for yourselves – Spend time apart. Spend time with yourself and spend time with your friends. Don’t lose yourself by becoming entirely invested in your partner’s life. Now I am NOT saying to put them off, by any means, but I AM saying that it is just as important to nurture the relationship you have with yourself and with your friends in order to maintain a healthy partnership. Respect their time with others!
Never take the little things for granted – Effort shows even in the smallest of actions. Leave a note before you leave for work in the morning. Buy them their favorite candy bar. Make the bed or organize a closet. Say I love you. Appreciation shows the most through little acts you choose to do (when you really don’t have to). Never take for granted what they do for you as well – always show your love and appreciation. You get what you give!
Don’t be a hypocrite – This is pretty self-explanatory. Try to always see things from both sides and understand where they are coming from. Chances are that down the road the roles will eventually reverse in whatever situation it may be. Be understanding and try not to judge the little things. Plain and simple!
Jealousy is the ultimate party crasher – Jealousy will kill a relationship, even one with a solid foundation. A partnership that entertains jealousy on the regular is doomed from the get-go. It is absolutely guaranteed to get you nowhere and cause problems out of nothing. This ultimately comes down to trust. Trust. Your. Partner. You are with them for a reason and if you truly feel that you can’t trust this person, you should not be with them. Everyone has insecurities and it is totally normal to overthink once in a while, but when jealousy develops into something more than that, it’s time to have a serious talk.
Realize the grass isn’t always greener – Commitment, commitment, commitment. It’s only human to compare your relationship to others’ and in today’s world, it’s easier than ever to see everybody’s highlight reel of their “perfect lives.” Remember that you don’t actually know what people are going through, and that your relationship is special and uniquely yours – something no one will ever be able to take from the both of you.
All in all, cherish your relationship and never stop putting in the effort. A partnership is a full time job and no one said it was going to be easy, but it will absolutely be worth every damn second.
Xoxo, Victoria